I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
