used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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