haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
