I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
