just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
