dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
