If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize