HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
