Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
