she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
