cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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