i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
