Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
