Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
do herpes really smell.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
