There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize