I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
