I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
