I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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