you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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