For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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