your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
