I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
As shirtless as possible
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
