my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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