why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
