He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
