You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
