What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
