i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize