drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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