There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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