My sheets look like a crime scene.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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