yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
