i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
