You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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