I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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