so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
