Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
