You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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