yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize