dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
