I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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