So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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