Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
