Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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