Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
