thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
