in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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