hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
