its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
