there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
