highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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