We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
