i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
