I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
