in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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