wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
