the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
