dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
