I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
