i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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