she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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