The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize