my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
