So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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