Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
