Whod you bang
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
