note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize