i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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