Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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