I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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