I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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