Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
this will be a night to untag.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
