i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
