so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
