i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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