sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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