It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
