Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
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