I seem to have left my pride at pride
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
