Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I need to calm my uterus...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
