I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
