She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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