I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
