did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
